Last weekend, I sat down with my Passion Planner and did the review of April and started working on my goals and priorities for May. One of the steps in a new month is to look back at the Passion Road Map and Game Changers made at the beginning of the year and to see where you’re at and plan accordingly.
One step on my Game Changer is to work through HTRYN. When I made my plans last December and figured out everything, I figured that I should finish HTRYN by May 31, 2016. That date gave me several extra weeks in case I didn’t manage the lesson-a-week format on schedule.
I did pretty good staying on track until I hit Lesson 17. I figured revising 18 scenes a week shouldn’t be too hard. I figured I’d finish on time. I had Lessons 17 through 20 to get the write-in done.
Took 4 weeks to do 20 scenes, rather than 73 like I’d planned. Lots of stuff seemed to happen during those 4 weeks, such as two weekend trips out of town, my oldest kid’s birthday, my husband launching his new business. I just didn’t have as much time as normal to do revisions.
So as I made plans for May, I decided to really push to finish by my original deadline. I planned out how much per day and per week needed to be done.
On Monday, I had a very productive morning. Got done just a bit more than I’d planned and I felt pretty high.
Then I got that text at 1 pm that I mentioned in Numb.
I’ve tried. I really tried this week, but more than once I found myself sitting down in front of my manuscript and just staring. No words coming. Nothing in my head.
The numbness of that first day has faded. Reality has sunk in. There’s a pain in my heart that’s just been hard to describe. I’ve barely functioned the last few days. I’ve cried a lot.
So, my originally scheduled plan of being done with Battle of the Bargaws by May 31 isn’t looking too great. I’m going to keep working and keep plugging away, but circumstances have changed things. As much as is in my power, I’ll keep revising, but at those times when the grief is just too much, I’ll be giving myself permission to step back.
In a sense, this is Numb – Part 2. I thought writing on Monday night would help. It did, but not as much as I thought. I’ve dealt with death before, but never quite like this. I’ve lost a young student to an accident, a grandfather, an aunt, and a dear friend to cancer, and a young friend to sudden health failure.
This hurts more than those did.
I will be okay, but I’ll just need to keep taking things a day at a time. Some days, I need to take it an hour at a time.